It has been raining all day. Rainy days used to bum me out because I hated getting cold and wet. I don't mind it so much now when it rains because the water level in the small river (or big stream) right by my apartment rises. When that happens, the water also runs a bit more quickly. I walked home from the metro tonight and it is thrilling to watch rushing waters in the dark.
I never had much opportunity to connect to nature this way so this is all fascinating to me- to experience the seasonal changes in animal population (my spouse has convinced me that the herons I saw earlier in the year have gone north for the summer), that rivers swell and shrink, and that greenery will take over if left unchecked. The river, the bike path and all the unchecked flora and fauna in my neighborhood makes me feel so much better about where I am living.
I was thinking today, on the metro back from DC, that I was creeped out and unhappy about DC. It amade me sad to think that it is possible for me to live in a place and not grow to love it simply because I always felt unsafe there. I felt like such a wimp for feeling scared. I also felt like I was a discredit to my sex. I was weak and was reinforcing gender stereotypes. Feeling safe and unscared, isn't that just a matter of attitude? I don't know.
In the last month, a woman got "sexually assaulted" by a guy who masqueraded as the cable repair guy. (What does sexually assaulted mean?) I frequently hear helicopters in my neighborhood flying low in order to do spotlight searches. Sirens are part of the background noise. I was in a car at a stoplight today and witnessed a bicyclist punching the heck out of a driver. I just read in the City Paper about a phenomenon that has been occuring in the city lately. There is this neighborhood in DC that is starting to slowly gentrify. Some of the original residents of that economically depressed neighborhood have been assaulting the bicyclists who have been riding in that neighborhood, e.g. throwing bricks at them from rooftops or out and out gangs assaulting a cyclist when the cyclist is stopped at a red light. The City Paper said that the assaulters were kids and it was a kind of turf war. The cyclists represented gentrification. The funny thing is that in my neighborhood, most of the cyclists are the po' folk or young po' folk who can't afford a car.
When I first moved here, some guy made some creepy derogatory comment to me as I walked home from the metro station about my ethnic background and gender. I was freaked out for a week and considered purchasing a can of mace. Maybe I should still. I am physically slight and must be honest with myself about my ability to physically dominate another human being.
It makes me mad that I can't enjoy this city, this area, because I don't feel safe, don't feel accepted, don't feel like I am allowed to belong...especially in my neighborhood. I'm not a black american, a latino immigrant or a white american- the three main groups in my neighborhood. For me, the feeling of unsafety doesn't arise from the latino immigrants. It's the americans that I don't trust. I know this is not based on a lot of data but on generalizations and stereotypes. It makes me sad to think that I can't wait to move back to NYC where I can feel safe again because non-americans outnumber americans.
Then, I walk by the river with rushing waters, see geese, instead of herons, paddling in the waters, step on ground covered with pink petals from a cherry tree, hear the bird family outside my window and feel okay about being here.
